Lost Count: A Love Story by Nate Marshall and Demetrius Amparan

Link to the Youtube video [ it is really worth watching] : Lost Count - A love Story
Link to the lyrics : Lyrics to the poem

I thought a lot about jealousy. I thought a lot about poetry. I like abstract poetry. I like poetry.

I read different poems. I read tons of them. And today I heard a poem. I heard a poem that made me cry. I can't quite understand it because I don't know what it feels like.

"And I don't know how to do more than be afraid,
that my age allowing me to be on this stage 
might have me murdered by Monday. 
I'm 18!
I play pickup basketball games with ghosts."

I am to well protected to really know, to even have the right to say I know and still every single word  burned my skin. Every single word broke my heart.
I probably listened to this poem a thousand times. I read tons of poems. And today I heard a poem.

One that changed my life. And I think that is what every poem should do. It should be a fire that you desire. One that will burn your skin.

"Will they ever call your death beautiful?
Your life, a sacrifice
A love story to be jealous of?
How many deaths will it take
Before this...  is considered genocide?"

DON'T COMPLAIN AND KEEP ON SMILING!

I'm tired of people thinking about everything all the time. I'm tired of acting happy when I'm not just so they don't ask what's up. I'm tired of people doing everything for money. I'm tired of money. I'm tired of people telling me how to LIVE MY LIFE! I'm tired of cheap nailpolish and lipstick that doesn't last. I'm tired of make-up, of hiding myself. I'm tired of trying to be perfect. I'm tired of winter, of the cold. I'm tired of trying too hard to get HIS attention. I am so tired of him. I'm so tired of people who just don't understand. I'm tired of people making me a project. I'm tired of being reduced. I'm tired of being popular- tired of feeling lonely. I'm tired of running in circles. I'm tired of this reputation. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of spending my time how others expect me to! I'm tired of that damn song that once used to be my favorite song. I'm tired of fake people. I'm tired of backstabbing friends who wouldn't even care if you weren't there. I'm tired of not being myself just because you tell me to.

What is love?

Love is touching fire without burning yourself. Love is being addicted to the attention. Love is a habit. It is being willing to give your life for your sister. Love is a battlefield. Love is being safe in a burning room. Love is sunshine at night. Love is a beautiful flower in the dark. Love is being there eventhough you're not. Love is accepting. Love is moving on. Love is having hope. Love is hearing your grandpa say he can't fight anymore and still staying strong. Love is smiling even though you want to cry. It is letting out what you have hidden for so long. Love is saying 'Yes'.

But most of all love is undefinable.
What is love? Does love even exist? Where does one feeling end and another feeling start? Why can we say we hate "him" after all he did? Isn't it because we love him. Doesn't it hurt just because we don't hate him at all? Where does the first excitement end and the habit of not being able to live without someone else start? Is that love or is it being addicted to some sort of feeling someone else gives us? Is it really love to fight for someone even though they just can't do it anymore? Is it love to force someone to be with us or isn't it rather love to accept their decision? Is it love when your heart drops when you see him or is that just nervosity? Do we really want the love or do we just love the attention? Why can we get over someone? Is it love when we are able to get over that one person?

And why is it that most love songs are rather sad and depressing than happy ? Isn't love somehow that feeling that makes your eyes sparkle, your heart beating faster so that you feel that warm feeling all over your body and just wanna scream because you are full of joy? How is it possible that there are so many sad love songs ? Shouldn't people who feel this overwhelming feeling be happy, no matter what?

Yes, I think love is the hidden sunshine deep inside you and if you look for it you can find it EVERYWHERE!

lose yourself

I don't even know what I'm tryin to say. I don't even know if anyone cares and if I even have to say anything. I'm boring myself. I just had this feeling to write and here I am writing. Maybe it won't change a thing, maybe it won't change your mind or your heart. Maybe you're not even reading this.  But how can I ever know if I never gave it a damn shot? If I never took this opportunity? If I never captured this moment? And how could I do this any better than just through writing? You know what ? I think life's called life because it is about living. It is about taking risks, about enjoying every moment. It is about giving every dream, every hope, every thought a shot. And who knows maybe one day one of "us", whoever "we" are right now since I don't know who's reading this, will make a difference.  How can we ever find out if we never gave it a shot ? If we never did what we really felt like doing? I don't even know what I am trying to say. I think we all should just stop thinking about things. We should just freaking start living. YOU want to be a designer ? Then be one! Stop being like "I ain't gonna make it dude." Guess what ? If all those designers would have thought that you would probably be pretty naked right now. We should just live our dreams, no matter how realistic they are. If you wanna be a princess find a freakin prince and marry him. I think we should stop giving up and start trying harder until we reach what we aim for!

Maybe you don't care. Maybe no one ever will.  I just hope you give it a shot, whatever it is you're dreaming about.